Thanksgiving for a difficult cancer
感恩 By Esther (Mrs. Reginald) Tsang // 作者:曾温粹英

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalms 139:14, 16
“我要称谢你, 因我受造奇妙可畏。你的作为其妙,这是我心深知道的。我为成形的体质,你的眼早已看见了。你所定的日子,我尚未度一日, 你都写在你的册上了。”(诗 139:14,16)

I am thankful to God for his mercy to select me as his daughter. I grew up in a Christian home in Songkhla, Thailand. As a child, I learnt to be obedient, accompanying my parents weekly to church to worship God. After elementary school, the Thai government closed all Chinese schools, so my parents sent me to Hong Kong to a Christian girls’ school. In the seventh grade, during an evangelistic meeting, the pastor talked about everyone having sin. The Holy Spirit of God touched me to realize that I had many unseen sins. In tears, and confessing my sins, I accepted Christ to be “born again” with great happiness and joy. In school, there were many good Christian teachers who loved the Lord. In church there were also wonderful Sunday school teachers who deeply touched me. All these teachers became great role models for me in life. In college, I was further blessed by excellent study groups where I learned the importance of mutual encouragement.
感谢父神的恩典,拣选我做他的儿女。我生长在一个信仰基督的家庭(泰国)。自幼平行端正,每星期都跟随父母到教会敬拜主,自以为自己就是基督徒了。 小学毕业后,父母送我到香港的一间教会女子中学读书。 初一那一年,在学校的一个布道会中,牧师讲道人有罪。 当时,圣灵光照我,让我看到自己里面隐而未现的罪,心里非常难过,流泪向主认罪,得到重生的大喜乐。在中学读书时,有许多爱主的老师,在教会也有许多爱主的主日学老师。他们的言行都成为我的好榜样。在大学里,也有好的团契,得以是我们彼此学习勉励。

Lots of Intravenous treatments

大学毕业之后,过了一年,我结婚来到美国。 先在芝加哥住了三年。神赐给我们一个可爱的儿子。 在这三年里,父神也给我们机会在华人教会中与弟兄姐妹彼此学习事奉。神也赐给我们好的团契。之后, 我们搬到辛城。那是这里还没有华人教会,只有一个查经班。虽然以前弟兄姐妹们彼此从未曾见过面,但是, 大家都有与主合一的生命,彼此之间也是情同手足。一年后,我们便成立了现在的辛城华人教会。主更是赐下很多机会让我们学习一步一步地服事。到辛城的第三年, 神的恩典, 我们又有了一个宝贝女儿。回首过去的年日,虽然有人的软弱和亏欠, 但主的恩典和慈爱从来没有离开过他用自己的宝血所救赎和建立的教会。 他是一位伟大信实的父神。

In 2006, my obstetrician discovered that I had enlargement of my left ovary. Since the blood test for cancer was negative, my doctor thought it was a benign tumor [not a cancer], and removed my ovaries using a laparoscopic technique, which is considered “less invasive” (not as “intrusive”). However, my reaction to anesthesia was so severe that I had to stay overnight in the hospital, and it was very discomfiting.

Two weeks later when I went back to see the doctor, he said the pathology examination proved it was actually cancer. When I heard the news that I had to go back to surgery, and needed chemotherapy, I was shocked, and worried that my body would not be able to stand it. However in my heart, I knew that the Heavenly Father is in control of everything, and nothing would happen to his children without His permission. Therefore, silently I prayed to Him and said: “On my own, I am not able to overcome this crisis; may you carry me through this crisis.”
When the day of the surgery drew close, I worried about a bad reaction again, from the anesthetic. One day, when I was in my living room kneeling and praying before the Lord, the Spirit of God allowed me to sense the experience of the Lord in the garden of Gethsemane, before going to the Cross, when He prayed to God with “sweat like blood”. Immediately, I thanked and praised the Lord. I know that only He knows my inner heart, and only He can help me. He is indeed a marvelous and gracious God!

2006年,我在体检时被发现左侧卵巢肿大,但验血结果正常。医生说是良性肿瘤。九月下旬,使用腹腔镜技术我的两侧卵巢被切除。本来以为这只是个当天就可以回家的小手术。然而, 当两个星期后我去医院复诊的是后,医生却说化验的结果证明我以前的卵巢肿瘤是恶性的,需要尽快再做手术,随之还有做化疗。我因为体质的关系,对麻醉药物及其过敏。上一次本来是可以当天回家的小手术,我就是因为对麻醉药反应国强,以至于不得不留院观察了一夜。感觉非常地难过。 这次听到要再做手术还加化疗,心里起初很怕自己的身体经受不了。但是,内心里知道天父掌管一切,凡事若不经过他的许可是不会发生长他儿女的身上的。于是, 我默默祷告天父,对他说:“我自己是过不了这一关的,求天父将我抱过去吧!”

During surgery I lost a great deal of blood, which caused breathing difficulties. When I was in this very difficult circumstance, and I could not talk, I heard myself crying to the Lord “My Lord, save me.” I woke up several hours later, in a great deal of pain and discomfort. There were many tubes that were in me, and I had a 7 or 8 inch wound: I had never experienced such pain as this before. However, in my hospital room, there was music, and hymns all night. In the middle of the night, I could sense the picture of the Lord Jesus on the cross on my right-hand side. I cried out, “my Lord, you were crucified on that cross for my sins: instead of my eternal pain and damnation, you died on that cross so that I could have eternal life! In comparison, what is this little bit of bodily pain for a short time?” The great love of the Lord once again touched me deeply and comforted me.
手术的过程中,我经历了大出血。一度呼吸困难。当我陷于困境又不能用语言表达自己的时候,我心里不住地向主呼求:“主啊,救我!” 经历了好几个小时我才苏醒过来。这是我感到非常的难过。全身插了好几条管子,伤口有七八寸长,这一生从未经历过如此的疼痛。然而,我的病房里整夜都开放着诗歌。半夜时分,主耶稣被钉在十字架上的情景就在我的右边身旁显现—主啊!你为我的罪被钉在十字架上,代替我受那永远灭亡的痛苦,为了我能得永生…… 而我今天肉体上这点暂时的疼痛又算得了什么呢?主的大爱再一次深深地感到安慰了我。

Chemotherapy makes me bald

In November, I began my chemotherapy. The plan was to do it six times. After the first two courses, my white and red cells dropped too much, so that each course had to be delayed, and it was not till March of 2007 that the entire chemotherapy course was completed. The chemotherapy days were difficult to handle, but because of the prayers of brothers and sisters, the grace and mercy of the Heavenly Father allowed my heart to be full of peace. The concern of church brothers and sisters brought God’s love like a living spring continually to our home. During that period, we experienced some really delicious food as gifts from them!
十一月开始了化疗。计划六次,但除了头两次如期完成,接下来的都因我的白血球和红血球过低而一再延期,直到2007年3月才终于结束。化疗的日子不是很好过,可是藉着众弟兄姐妹的祷告,天父的慈爱和怜悯使我的内心充满了平安。同时,教会肢体的关怀将神的爱源源不断地传递到我的家里。那段日子,我们享受了很多的美味佳肴,求父神一一报答肢体的爱心。

It has been years since the chemotherapy. I thank the Lord for saving me during this period to give me peace and good health. Because of the chemotherapy, both my feet have neuropathy from the chemical toxic injury. Both my feet often feel cold, and anesthetic. But every time I experience the pain, I think about the thorn in the side of Paul the Apostle. And I remember that the Lord said that “my grace is sufficient for you”. The weakness in my body often reminds me to look up to the Lord, and depend on Him at all times, so that even though we have very difficult times, we still can have the strength and hope from Him.

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12
“Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked. For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. Lord Almighty, blessed is the one who trusts in you.” Psalms 84:10-12

化疗至今已将近三年。感谢主保守了我的平安健康!治疗的经历让我再一次更深刻地经历了神。 它提醒我主的恩典够我用。任何时候,只要时刻仰望依靠主耶稣基督,我们的生命就会在逆境也充满了力量和希望。
“求你指教我们怎样数算自己的日子,好叫我们得着智慧的心。”(诗90:12)
“在你的院宇住一日,胜似在别处住千日;宁可在我神殿中看门,不愿住在恶人的帐棚里。因为耶和华神是日头,是盾牌,要赐下恩惠和荣耀。他未尝留下一样好处不给那些行动正直的人。万军之耶和华啊,依靠你的人便为有福!”(诗84:10-12)