2 Minute Coffee with Uncle Reggie: As One eyeball to another
与曾叔叔喝两分钟咖啡:眼球啊眼球
(Emily Xinyi Ma, Bo Yin/Dx 翻譯)

Head-gripping drama… I walked obediently down a dim hallway into a dark space. I stepped up into a large seat, facing a cold metal rack. I leaned into its scalloped frame perfected for my head and neck, in the fashion of A Tale of Two Cities.

扣人心弦的剧情……我顺从地走在昏暗的走廊上,进入一个黑暗的空间。 我走到一个大座位上,眼前有一个冰冷的金属架子。 我把身体前倾,头颈贴靠在扇形的金属架上,那架子的形状和我头颈部的形状相当吻合,像是量身定做的,一派双城记的风格。

Abruptly following me into the blackened space was a masked tall and slim Aryan female, shrouded in Crouching Tiger black. She instantly slipped her slender fingers around my tensed neck, and clamped my head in a tight vise.

突然间一名身材高挑的雅利安女性跟随我走进了那黑暗的空间,她带着口罩,裹着卧虎黑衣,用纤细的手指抚摸我有点紧绷的脖子,并紧紧钳住我的头,稳靠在金属架上。

Cannibal welcome. A removable eyeball might help, or not. A scene borrowed for illustration, from Peace Child on DVD by Don Richardson. Don was a great personal friend who didn’t need a removable eyeball. Love worked much better.
食人族的热情欢迎。没有假眼球,也能和他们建立友好的关系。取自 Don Richardson 制作的DVD 视频《和平之子》。Don 是我的好朋友。他不需要假眼球,他凭的是爱心,比假眼球更有力量。

Her mastermind, with dark sparkling Middle Eastern eyes, veiled and clad in white, slid in stealthily after her. With one hand she deftly gripped my scalp with her sharp fingernails, and in the other hand, I saw a swift motion and flash of reflected glitter: immediately my eyeball was punctured and shot.

随后,术者轻手轻脚地进来,带着白色面纱,一双中东人的眼睛,在黑暗中放光。她一只手熟练地扶住我的头,我能感觉出尖尖的指甲,她的另一只手在我眼前操作:动作极为迅速,就一下,我只觉得眼前有光一闪,眼球穿刺注射就完成了。

The deed was done, and I was ejected out onto the wet, slippery pavement. From the corner of my unpunctured eyeball, I could glimpse a heavily tinted East Asian limousine swinging out from the overcast parking lot. The doors automatically and abruptly sprung open, and I was swept up by two Sukhothai females. They stabilized my eyeball, and sped away. It was only a few moments later that I fully realized what had really happened.

穿刺结束,我立即被推到一条有点湿滑的小路上,我用没做穿刺的眼睛看见:阴暗的停车场里,一辆东亚豪华轿车缓缓地开过来,车窗玻璃是深黑色的。车门迅速自动打开,过来两位泰裔女士,她们稳固住我的眼球,随后飞驰而去。整个过程我都没什么感觉,过了好一会儿,我才反应过来是怎么回事儿。

Sorry (not really) if that alarmed you about my postoperative management for glaucoma surgery. Talk to me if you really want more gory details! It all finally worked out well, however, after my Thai-born family took me home, and put me on 3 months of 17 eyedrops a day therapy. And five more visits to the doctor.

如果我这样的描述让你对我的青光眼手术术后管理感到震惊,那抱歉了(其实我不是真的那么抱歉)。如果你诚心想要了解更多血腥的细节,我也可以给你讲!我的青光眼术后恢复的结果总体来说还不错:我那几位出生于泰国的家人把我接回去,每天要点十七滴眼药水,持续点了三个月。期间看医生复查五次。

Right and left eye doctors… Eyeballs are hugely important, and not only are there specialists called ophthalmologists to treat them, but also there are also even subspecialists: retina ophthalmologists, cornea ophthalmologists, glaucoma ophthalmologists, etc.

左眼球医生与右眼球医生…在眼科,不仅有眼科全科专家,还有眼亚科专家,比如:视网膜专家.角膜专家、青光眼专家,等等,可见眼球有多重要。

I used to think it was a joke to say you might need a right eye ophthalmologist, and a left eye ophthalmologist. Now I know you could well have two different problems in two different eyes, so that might not be a joke!

过去,要是有人说 “要去看右眼医生”或“左眼医生”,我就只当做幽默搞笑。现在我知道不尽然。两只眼睛可以各得各的病。左眼病看这个医生,右眼病看那个医生,一点都不是开玩笑的!

My left eye ophthalmologist did the surgery for my glaucoma. But my right eye ophthalmologist treated my blepharitis or swelling of the eyelids from my allergic reaction to glaucoma medicine. This latter problem took another three months to resolve.

我的左眼医生给我做了青光眼手术。但因为我对青光眼药物过敏,出现了结膜炎,眼睑肿了。这就要找我的右眼医生治疗,又花了三个月的时间才治好。

I definitely needed two ophthalmologists for two eyes, at huge cost for Medicare and your taxes, thank you very much.

对我来说,治疗两只眼睛的病,确实是需要两个眼科医生。这次治眼睛,政府的老年医疗保险付了不少钱,这些都是纳税人的钱,为此我要对每个纳税人说声:谢谢!

Counting the number of eyeballs… Modern jargon and advertising businesses count eyeballs, like men might have counted scalps and leather skins in days of yore. It’s just a matter of business accounting, since more eyeballs means more impact (usually $$). “What’s your eyeball count today?” likely is what your boss asks you every day.

眼球数量的统计…。像古代印第安战士要数点俘获了多少头皮和兽皮,现代人和广告业重视眼球数即流量或吸睛力,实际上就是在评估生意做的怎么样。因为吸引眼球数越多,意味着市场影响力越大,赚钱就越多。你的老板可能每天都会问你:“你今天赚了多少眼球?”

Fish have “tasty” eyeballs that pop, at least for some. Courtesy of Lance Webel, Cincinnati.
鱼的眼球,烹饪成美味佳肴,嚼起来爆汁。至少对一些人来说,相当受用。由辛辛那提的兰斯-韦贝尔提供。

I didn’t know how to actually do it, but a keen reader of my monthly online stories declared that he traced one of my stories that circulated in China as having received over 20,000 clicks… so I guess it was 40,000 eyeballs, at least once. I liked that count (sorry, no real $$).

我的线上故事月刊有一位热心读者,他说,他查了我为中国读者写的这些故事的点击量,超过了两万,我觉得这意味着我吸引了四万只眼球。虽然我不知道他是怎么统计的,但我喜欢这个量。不过,这和赚钱没关系。

Cannibals meet eyeball… One of the best eyeball stories I ever heard was of a missionary who had a glass eye. Meaning, I suppose, that he had had some kind of surgery to remove his eyeball, so he had a fake one in its place.

眼球,吓退食人族。。。我最喜欢的一个故事,讲的是一个传教士,他曾经做过眼球摘除手术,并配上了玻璃的假眼球。那眼球是可以随时摘下来的。

Well, one day he was in the middle of the jungle (the location of most exciting missionary stories), and lo and behold, he was surrounded by cannibals who were threatening (to eat) him. He was backed into a corner and thought of life and death, and aha, his eyeball.

很多宣教传奇,都发生在丛林中。有一天,这位传教士也在从林中被食人族包围了,他们把他逼到角落,要吃掉他。生死关头,他想到了自己的假眼球。

He gently pulled out his removable glass eye and placed it carefully on a boulder. You could classify this as a miracle or not, but regardless, the cannibals immediately fell on their knees before the seeing eye (or ran away, in another version, just a minor detail), while his two different eyeballs calmly watched from two separate vantage points. This unusual use of an eyeball could be useful someday for you, when you’re in a tough spot and just happen to have a removable one.

只见他不慌不忙地把自己的玻璃眼球取下来,轻轻地摆放在一块大石头上,你猜怎么样?这些食人族看见他的两个眼球分开,从两个不同的角度盯着自己的时候,他们立刻都跪下了(另一种说法是,这些食人族立刻都逃跑了)。如果你也有个能摘下来的假眼球,或许某一天,它也能帮你化险为夷。

Fish eyeball, anyone?… In Chinese cuisine, many fish dishes are delicate delicacies. But did you know that fish eyeballs are particularly delicate? Actually, my dear wife is an aficionado of this delicacy, and has no problem popping fish eyeballs into her mouth. Give it a try yourself, you might even sense a delicious pop!

鱼眼球,鲜为人知的用途。。。我的西方人读者未必知道,但我们中国人都知道,中餐里各种鱼的烹任是很讲究的。鱼的眼球也是一道特别的美味呢。其实,我的爱妻就很喜欢这道菜,把鱼眼球放在嘴里嚼,对她完全不是问题。有机会你也可以尝尝,感受一下咬爆鱼眼泡的美味儿。

Darwin’s eyeball Waterloo… By now, you might have heard of the startling confession that when Darwin himself thought about the eyeball, he declared that he practically gave up on his grand theory. It would be “absurd”, in his own words, to think that such a complex organ could develop through his Darwinian theory.

达尔文的眼球滑铁卢…你可能听说过,达尔文曾经坦诚地说过一件事,很令人惊讶。在考察眼球的构造时,他几乎想放弃自己的那套理论。用他自己的话说,眼球结构复杂到一个程度,以进化论来解释它结构的形成过程,是“极不合理的”。

Well, 160 years after that time, what we know about the eyeball’s complexity is innumerable quantum leaps more complex. Darwin didn’t even understand at that time about the complexity of just one single cell!

在达尔文的年代,连一个小小的单细胞都是高深莫测的。160年后的今天,我们对眼球的复杂性的认识,有了量子级别的飞跃。

So it’s abundantly clear that if his eyeball dilemma was “absurd” at that time, it is now exponentially absurd by quantum, quantum leaps. Clearly, Darwin met his Waterloo at the edge of an eyeball! See Darwin’s Eye in Reggietales.org (1)

所以很明显,如果当时他的眼球困境是“极不合理的”,那么现在它的荒谬程度呈指数增长,量子飞跃。 显然,达尔文在眼球边缘遇到了他的滑铁卢!(注1)。参见 Darwin’s Eye in Reggietale.org.

Photo 2: “An eye for an eye” relationships mean we could all become blind. Scene borrowed from Don Richardson’s classic true story Peace Child on DVD for illustration. Love was clearly more powerful.
“以眼还眼”的结果,会使我们所有人都变成瞎子。取自 Don Richardson 制作的 DVD 视图片二:“以眼还眼”的结果,会使我们所有人都变成瞎子。取自 Don Richardson 制作的 DVD 视频《和平之子》,这个经典的真实故事告诉人们:爱的力量,更为强大。

Please pluck out your eyeball… Middle Eastern hyperbole sometimes makes you shudder. It’s definitely a visibly passionate culture, particularly with wild hand gestures while talking. When the Greatest Teacher declared that if something like your eye is blocking your way to the Kingdom of Heaven, you should pluck it out, that certainly wakes you up.

眼球,把它剜掉。。。中东人的文化明显是很强势的,人们喜欢以夸张的方式表达,讲话时会带着激烈的手势动作,有的时候会让人觉得不适应。人类最伟大的导师曾这样说:如果你的眼睛阻挡你进入天国,那就把它剜掉!这样的话,注定发人深省。

Meaning, if your eye is offending Heaven by looking at all kinds of things you shouldn’t, then pluck it out! Hyperbole gives you goosebumps, but the dramatic warning is dramatic. No eyeball plucking can be pleasant, even if done by pleasant, sophisticated ophthalmologists.

他的意思是:如果人冒犯天理,窥视了不该看的的东西,那他就应该把眼球剜掉。这种极端的言辞,会让人不寒而栗。然而,戏剧性的语言可以达到戏剧性的结果. 没有人真的愿意把自己的眼球剜掉,即使请再好再高明的眼科专家来,也不行。

“An eye for an eye, but I say…” Many people have heard the phrase “an eye for an eye” and think that it means that when someone injures another person, they have to be punished in exactly the same way. Actually, what it originally meant was that we should not punish anybody worse than what they did to us. That’s severe enough. Between two warring tribes, they could still both all become blind.

“人说“以眼还眼”,但是,我告诉你。。。很多人都听说过“以眼还眼”的惩罚原则,他们以为这话的意思是:伤害了别人的人,不可饶恕,必须以同等伤害来惩罚他。而实际上“以眼还眼”原本的意思是:不要过度报复,不要让伤害升级。如果两个争斗的人群,一直冤冤相报,把双方所有人的眼睛都弄瞎了,那实在是太残酷了。

But the Greatest Teacher added a great “but” to this concept, and said, “But I say, you need to love your enemies.” (1) So according to his radical concept, it’s actually “no eyeball from you, even if you took my eyeball!” Which, when you think about it, is a totally revolutionary, passionate concept. Just think about it! Even if they took my eyeball?!

最伟大的导师在这句话里加了一个关键词 “但是”,他说:“但是,我告诉你,要爱你的仇敌”(注2),实际上他的意思是:“即便你剜了我的眼球,我也不要以眼还眼剜你的眼球”。仔细想想就会明白,这话带出的是一个伟大的、颠覆性的观念。试想,即便你剜了我的眼球?

Eyeball to eyeball. As one eyeball to another, I’m so glad both of my eyeballs are finally healing. Hopefully, no more punctures, eyeball shots or slashes, which were all done for my eyeball’s sake. I like to keep seeing crystal clearly without the need for a removable eyeball! What Heaven has designed and given to me, I’d like to keep intact, thank you very much.

一个眼球致另一个眼球。。。眼球啊眼球,愿你们双双平安。尽管我治疗眼睛的过程挺辛苦,但我还是很高兴的,毕竟两个眼睛都在康复中。希望从此以后,那些眼科治疗,眼球穿刺、注射、缝合……等等,都不再与我有关。我希望我不需要可拆卸的人工眼球就可以看得清清楚楚! 上天设计并赐于我的,我要原封不动的保留下来,感谢上天!

1. https://reggietales.org/darwins-eye-absurd-in-the-highest-degree-2/
2. Matthew 5:38-48

1. https://reggietales.org/darwins-eye-absurd-in-the-highest-degree-2/
2. 马太 ((福音))5:38-48

Bonus photo: I found a photo of a removable fake eye. Enjoy and don’t be alarmed! From
YouTube Cineclips, James Stewart in Fools’ Parade.
附加照片: 我找到了一张可拆卸的假眼照片。别被吓到了,希望你会喜欢!这是来自YouTube上Cineclips频道的詹姆斯·斯图尔特(James Stewart)在《愚人游行》(Fools’ Parade)中的一个剧照。